Once upon a time, I recapped an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity. The article’s popularity made me turn my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.
Today, I will be recapping the music video for P-Square’s “Senorita,” the hit single of the now-defunct musical duo consisting of Peter and Paul Okoye.
The early 2000s energy in this cover art is overwhelming and I love it so much
For those who don’t know, Senorita was P-Square’s first single of their debut album titled, “Last Night.” It was a smash hit and immediately catapulted them to stardom. The song is about one (or both) of the brothers mourning the death of a woman he (they?) loved.
To quote the iconic Saturday Night Live character, Stefon, the 5 minute and 28-second music video for “Senorita” has everything:
- A love triangle.
- Insane early 2000s fashion.
- A dance break in the middle of the street.
- A weird celebrity cameo you won’t see coming.
- A grass to grace story with details shrouded in mystery.
- A beautiful, gold-digging young woman named Vivian.
- A poorly-filmed accident scene that’ll have you screaming, “How the fuck did that happen?!”
Let’s get into it.
The video starts with Paul Okoye on an okada. He gets to his destination and argues with the okada driver for a bit about how much the ride cost, which is weird because people usually agree on okada prices before the ride starts. This small argument also lets the viewers that Paul is poor as shit.
As Paul is arguing with the bike man, we’re introduced to Vivian, the video’s vixen. She’s dressed in a black chiffon top and has braids on her head that look mad heavy.
Paul is there to see Vivian, and for a moment it looks like she’s out to see him but then DJ Jimmy Jatt pulls up in a Mercedes.
It’s been 18 years and I still haven’t gotten over the randomness of this cameo.
As Paul tries to hug Vivian, she pushes him aside with a facial expression that clearly says:
She gets into DJ Jimmy Jatt’s car, kisses him, and they drive off, leaving Paul standing stupidly by the side of the road.
The music starts and we see Paul walking in slow motion through a graveyard. He gets to a random grave and starts singing to the tombstone. My favourite thing about this scene is how it was shot at a real cemetery but because they weren’t able to get rid of other people who happened to be there on the day they filmed, we got random shots like this:
Can you imagine being at a cemetery trying to bury your loved only to turn around and see a guy dressed like discount Neo lip-synching for his life next to a tombstone?
Anyway, the gist of the song’s plot is that in the past, Paul tried to get Vivian to be his girlfriend but Vivian repeatedly told him no because he was a broke ass nigga. Now, Paul and his brother, Peter, have hammered and become rich niggas who can afford to drive around in convertible vehicles with their entourage who just sit in the back and wave their arms like wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men.
While out on a date with DJ Jimmy Jatt, Vivian sees the brothers driving by…
… and without missing a beat, attempts to go famz Paul.
But Paul isn’t having it and is like:
Angry at the recent turn of events, DJ Jimmy Jatt drags Vivian away from Paul and forces her into his car. As he’s driving off, he gives Paul the middle finger, which is supposed to be badass but just ends up being unintentionally hilarious.
Paul decide that being told “fuck you” is an insult he just can’t ignore so he gets brother and crew together and chase after DJ Jimmy Jatt. Meanwhile, DJ Jimmy Jatt and Vivian are having a heated argument…
….when Paul, Peter, and their entourage suddenly appear in front of their car, causing DJ Jimmy Jatt to swerve off the road way more dramatically than he needs to.
Because if the almost accident, there’s smoke everywhere and when it clears, P-Square proceed to perform a choreographed dance sequence that both Usher and Michael Jackson should’ve sued them for.
I’m convinced that P-Square started off as Michael Jackson/Usher cover band.
After the dance break, Paul and Peter drive off, leaving DJ Jimmy Jatt humiliated and Vivian horny as hell.
With her gold-digging powers fully activated, Vivian runs after the car. To do what exactly? I have no fucking idea. DJ Jimmy Jatt tries to stop her but she’s like:
And then this happens:
Which makes no fucking sense because Paul and Peter drove AWAY from DJ Jimmy Jatt and Vivian. This accident implies that she ran after them and somehow overtook their car???
The super soldier serum has nothing on the power of gold-digging.
Anyway, Vivian dies and this is when it’s revealed that the whole song is a tribute to her, and that it’s her tombstone Paul has been singing to this entire time. Or is it? Because when Peter comes to get Paul from the cemetery…
….the camera pans to show the tomb stone in its entirety for the first time and we see this:
Who the fuck is Senor White?? Why establish the girl’s name as Vivian and then use a tombstone that doesn’t have her name on it? Why was Paul so sad that this fucking awful girl who never gave him the light of day died? Why was DJ Jimmy Jatt playing himself in this? Why were they all dressed like that in Nigeria’s hot ass weather?
Until next week, y’all.
Check back every Friday for more So You Don’t Have To insanity.
Click here to read other entries in the So You Don’t Have To series.
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