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Love Life: We’d Been Committed to Each Other Long Before We Started Dating

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Uyai, 33, and Ayo, 28, have been dating for a year. This week on Love Life, they talk about meeting on Instagram, dating each other while they were in primary relationships, and eventually, breaking up with those partners to be together.

What’s your earliest memory of each other? 

Uyai: In 2019, I was at BarBar on a date when I saw Ayo with her friends. She was wearing a white shirt and shorts, and she looked so happy with her friends. I thought she was interesting but I didn’t talk to her. 

Ayo: I don’t even remember that day. But in May 2021, my partner at the time was showing me YouTube videos and Uyai happened to be in one of them. She looked cute and friendly, so I went on my Instagram and reached out to her. My goal was to connect with more queer people in Lagos. 

Uyai, did you remember her from BarBar when you got the DM?

Uyai: Not immediately. It was after I went through her profile I remembered. We got talking and she asked to meet up. 

Ayo: We didn’t hang out until a month later because this babe had one excuse or the other. The day we eventually did, she told me she’d have to be back home early because the moon was potent. 

Sis? 

Uyai: Yes, I needed to do my full moon rituals. 

Ayo: And she also needed to be with her partner. 

Uyai: LOL. That too. But we had fun that day. We went to ArAbesQue, a restaurant in VI. 

Ayo: And I saw this babe’s ass. It looked so good. I had to ask why she doesn’t post pictures of her ass on Instagram. 

Uyai: LOL. After the date, Ayo followed me home and we kissed. It was shortlived because I needed her to leave.

Why? 

Uyai: My primary partner was coming over. Ayo came back two days later though because she forgot her lighter. For the next five days, she always had an excuse for us to see each other. And when we did, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.  

We were also friends despite the sexual thing going on. Ayo became the one I’d text whenever I had issues.

Ayo: I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could. One time, I went to her house and ended up staying six days. 

Uyai: I was worried about what my primary partner would think. 

Ayo: I also had a primary partner who’d also become uncomfortable with the relationship Uyai and I were building. 

How did you feel about each other’s primary relationship at the time? 

Uyai: I was in support of Ayo’s relationship the same way she was supportive of mine. 

Ayo: …until we both knew we had to end them because of what was happening with us. 

How did that happen? 

Uyai: Well, it wasn’t planned. It was just getting too complicated for me. I was spending a lot of time with Ayo and my primary partner wasn’t as patient as they used to be with that. 

Ayo: Same here. It made me feel bad so I had to end it. 

Then, you two started dating? 

Uyai: Nope. We continued to spend time together but we didn’t give any name to what we were doing. 

Ayo: We were wondering how we’d fit into each other’s lives. Our circles were very different and we didn’t see how our relationship would work when our worlds collide. But then, we decided whatever happens, happens, as long as we have each other. 

Uyai: Another thing is we really didn’t want to rush into a relationship too soon. So we just remained in the talking stage. 

In August 2021, we went to Tarkwa Bay for two days. The intimate time we shared there really helped our relationship grow. We had this thing where we would ask ourselves, on a scale of one to ten, where we think we’re at right now. We started from a good 6, then 7 before 9, but I don’t think we ever got to 10.

Ayo: I think because we were both scared that getting to 10 meant much more than what we were doing. We didn’t date till February this year (2022)…

Uyai: …when Ayo asked me to be her girlfriend. 

Tell me how it happened 

Ayo: We were talking in her room one random day. The conversation about girlfriends came up and I asked if she was my girlfriend. 

Uyai: I said she had to ask me directly for a relationship and she did. 

Aww. So tell me about your relationship. Did you two keep the relationship open? 

Ayo: No. As soon as we started dating, it became clear to us that we didn’t want to be with other people. 

Uyai: We would tell each other all the time that we didn’t know how we’d feel if either us was seeing other people. 

Ayo: Yup, and we just stayed closed. The truth is we’d been committed to each other long before I asked her to be my girlfriend. 

Uyai: But once that happened, I felt safer with her. We started making more career and travel plans together. 

Nice! I’m curious about your biggest fight. What happened? 

Ayo: It was basically a trust thing. Uyai saw my conversation with my ex where I was telling her what went wrong in our relationship and it caused a fight. 

Uyai: I was super hurt. I was learning to trust her when this happened and I can be a vengeful person so the bigger fight happened when Ayo saw my own messages with my ex. 

Ayo: This babe was reminiscing over pictures with her ex. I was like wow. I was so sad. 

Uyai: Yeah, and for the first time we didn’t know what to do or where to go from there. It felt like there was a wall between us. 

Ayo: I didn’t want us to get to the point of gbas gbos. 

How did you resolve it? Did the moon intercede? 

Uyai: I can’t lie, I cast a lot of spells. I also wrote her a long letter talking about the whole thing. 

Ayo: After reading it, we talked. There was a lot of active reassurance from both of us. We were eventually okay and have been since then.

Uyai: Also, we always try to speak tenderly even when we are mad at each other. We listen and are quick to apologise when we understand how our actions have hurt the other person. Ayo is very quick to ask, “What can I do better?” I love that and I’m learning it from her.

Sweet. What attracts you both to each other? 

Uyai: Apart from the fact that Ayo looks like a model, she is intelligent. She is super creative. I could go to Ayo with my problem and she’d have so many ideas for me. I love how she cares for the people in her life too. She’s so intentional and it’s beautiful to watch. 

Ayo: Uyai is so beautiful and her features are unique. Then, there’s her ass. 

Aside from the physical, she’s thoughtful. I’ve never met someone as sweet as she is. She loves to feed me, and me, I’m a baby — I love to be fed. Her writing is amazing. Everytime she writes me a letter, it warms my heart. 

She’s also generous. I can say something without giving it much thought, and the next day, she’ll have it delivered to me.  

Awww. On that note, rate your relationship on a scale of one to ten. 

Ayo: 10, because we’re so good together. Our communication is great and I know we can only get better.  

Uyai: 10 too, because I think Ayo is perfect. This is not to say she doesn’t have any faults but the faults make Ayo who she is. Those little things make up this relationship. The way we are, I’ve never experienced it before in any of my past relationships. 

Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Sex Life newsletter, so sign up here.

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