Nigerian men are wicked, we’ve all agreed to that. But how do you recognise one before you enter wahala and fall in love with him? As someone who has suffered at the hands of Nigerian men, I have the answer to this question. Pay very close attention to the things I’ve listed below.
He wears necklaces
Necklaces = shackles. Please my dears, let’s be careful. The goal is to break every chain of evil and wickedness, not to be trapped by them. That’s why you should stay away from a man that wears necklaces. Slavery has been abolished; let’s not go back to it.
He owns a jalabiya
The jalabiya is so that he can have enough free space for their wickedness to breathe. Once you see a man wearing it, it means they want to perform a special act of wickedness. If you know what’s good for you, better hide.
He has the letter “E” in his name
Once his name has “E” inside, just remove your slippers and run away. That “E” stands for evil, and it is the ultimate form of wickedness. The one that’ll leave you on the floor crying while playing Burna’s “Last Last”. In fact, if he has the letters “A”, “D”, “U”, “T”, “C” and “B”, they’re wicked. Listen to me, I know what I’m saying.
He’s bald or has a low cut
He either cuts his hair really low or cuts it all off, so that breeze can blow his head. An uncluttered hair gives him space to think up many different ways that he manifests wickedness. Even the ones that have fade haircut, watch out for them.
He wears perfume
Especially those expensive oud perfumes that linger even after the person has left you for two days. He wants to use the lingering smell to attract you, after which he’ll break your heart. What’s worse is that after the heartbreak, the smell of his perfume will remain on your clothes. Please throw the clothes away for the sake of your mental health.
He’s on Twitter
Twitter is a melting point of “violence”. People are constantly fighting and being wicked to one another on that app. That’s exactly why any man you see on Twitter is a wicked man. Either he’s actively being evil on the app, or he’s there to get inspiration.
He wears ashewo shorts
This should have been the first thing on this list because this is the uniform of every wicked man. In fact, it’s what they all wear to their weekly wicked men’s association meeting. I’m sure in their first ever meeting they discussed how to use these shorts to lure people through their thighs. Before they unleash wickedness upon you. Don’t fall for it. It’s a trap.
He wears traditional attire
This is their second uniform. Have you noticed how incredibly sexy a man looks in traditional wear? It’s all a part of his plan; he knows how irresistible he looks and how hard it is for people to stay away from him in such an outfit. Don’t allow him to win. A man that wears trad is at his peak level of wickedness. If he wears agbada, it’s worse, because the many layers of the agbada are extra storage for his evil behaviour.
Yes, because any man that exists or has ever existed is wicked. And yes, including my father, because I know that’s what you want to say next.
Now let’s talk about 9 Ways to Recognise a Wicked Nigerian Woman