The way Nigerian mothers like to talk about Princess Diana, you’d think they all went to Queens College or law school together. They cried when she died, hissed when her ex-husband married his mistress, Camila Parker Bowles, and sang praise and worship when their nephews, William and Harry, got married.
Forget the Beyhive or Wizkid FC; Dianamytes (as I’ve chosen to call them) were the original stan group, and your Nigerian mother probably has a membership card. But why are Nigerian mothers so obsessed with Princess Diana and her marriage?
Let me explain.
They can relate to being dragged into wahala while minding their business
Nigerian mothers tend to mind their business until you look for their trouble. Like them, Diana was on her own, drinking her tea, when Prince Charles started moving to her, knowing his heart and genitals fully belonged to another woman. Let’s not forget our future princess was just 16 when she met the 29-year-old, Charles.
Princess Diana had the Nigerian mother wedding gown blueprint
Almost every wedding gown after 1981 was modelled to look like Diana’s wedding gown from that year. Our mothers were stressing their Nigerian tailors and satin suppliers so they could have their own princess wedding gown.
Marrying a problematic man who doesn’t deserve you? Sounds like a Nigerian story
Nigerian mothers hate Prince Charles, and after watching Netflix’s The Crown (don’t tell me it’s fictional), I get it too. This man followed his mistress around town and didn’t even have the decency to hide it like Nigerian men try to do. It’s too much, and that’s why Camilla Parker Bowles is probably enemy number one on your mother’s hate list.
Nigerian mothers know what it’s like to have bad belle in-laws
We can blame Charly boy all we want, but his family, led by Queen Eliza, are the real villains of this Nollywood production. Queen Eliza and Patience Ozorkwor are one and the same to Nigerian mothers.
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Diana was the original material gworl
Look. At The. Material. Such a happening babe!
Nigerian women can relate to knowing where their man’s side chick lives
Your man having a side chick is one thing, but having a side chick everyone knows is just gutter behaviour. Like Diana, most Nigerian women know where the side chick lives, but they choose peace instead.
Fun fact: Camila named her first child Charles and made Prince Charles his Godfather. I’m so stressed.
Diana was bold enough to do ojoro cancel ojoro
After years of suffering through Charles’ cheating, Diana allegedly started getting it on with some men of her own. It was a big scandal, but Nigerian mothers were probably shouting, “Yass girl!” from across the ocean.
They’ve mastered the art of smiling while their marital bed is in shambles
Marriage is not easy (according to the people that are in it). Not me, though. I’m good. But it was especially hard for Princess Diana because she had to go out to public events with her husband, shake people’s hands and smile, even though she knew her marriage was shakier than Nigeria’s economy. Who can relate to this Oscar-level acting? Nigerian women.
Princess Diana showed Nigerian mothers they didn’t have to stay in shitty marriages
Princess Diana removing herself from that messy marriage was a significant moment, not just for her but for Nigerian women who’ve been told to “manage” in their marriages. If a woman literally married into royalty could say, “I no do again,” who do you think you are, Papa Amaka?
Princess Diana was always on her humanitarian P
While the royal family moved around with shoulder pads and pride, Princess Diana was on her humility shit. This woman just wanted to wear cute fits and help the needy. What’s not to love?
Nigerian mothers’ love for Princess Diana has been transferred to us and our love for Cousin Harry. But because we’re woke and Harry’s a white man, we’re riding hard for our good sis, Meghan, instead.
But as much as Nigerian mothers worldwide are unmoved by Eliza’s timely death, just like them, I’m a bit concerned because this means Camila Parker Bowles is now queen. Maybe it’s like the famous philosopher, Bobrisky said, “Good girl no dey pay.”