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Aunty Z!: You’re Not Polyamorous, Just Bored

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

In this episode, Aunty Z gives advice to a woman struggling to get into a relationship, a man struggling to keep one, and a lady who might be dating a self-help book. 

Dear Aunty Z!,

I haven’t been in a “relationship” my whole life. I started off with situationships.  The first guy, John, I liked him a lot and he lied about liking me. After some years, I found out he had a girlfriend who was a virgin then so he was always coming to me for sex. I still feel like shit till now. The second guy, BJ, was no different than John. I was desperate and wanted to feel wanted and loved by the opposite gender. I find it hard to forgive the girl that I was then. 

It’s 2021 and I still can’t find someone who wants a relationship. Every guy that approaches me is mostly emotionally unavailable and I stop talking to them within some time because I easily get attached and I wouldn’t want to have feelings. The ones that are ready for a relationship are older men that come for marriage and I don’t want it now. I keep wondering if I’m doing something wrong. 

Vee, 21, female

Hello Vee,

I’d like to start off by saying that a lot of people want to feel loved. Either from friends, family, or romantic connections. Love is a beautiful emotion to experience, so it’s normal that people would want it. On that note, I would really like for you to forgive the girl you were then. The things that had happened, have happened and they’re not your fault. We move. 

Now, as for finding someone that wants a relationship, I think you should widen your scope of men. I mean, going out to new places, asking friends to introduce you to their friends. It’s a good excuse to get dressed up and go out if you’re someone that enjoys going out. If you don’t, you can try dating apps or even regular social media apps. Look at Twitter, there are a lot of people finding love on that app every day but let me warn you, Twitter is also the trenches. 

The important thing is to note that the love of a romantic partner is not the most important thing in life. It’s okay to want it, you just can’t centre your entire life around finding someone to date. Think of it this way. In this case, you’re a doughnut and romantic love is the jam. You’re good with or without. You might lose yourself in the process. 

Love, Aunty Z! 

Dear Aunty Z!, 

How do you know you are polyamorous? Or do you slide from indisciplined to polyamorous? Most of my relationships always go well until a new girl shows up randomly, it starts from simple friendship to maybe friends with benefits and then relationship (something just happens and the primary relationship ends). 

I get easily bored with people so that can explain the thrill of meeting new people and getting attached in one way.

Do I need help or I should assume I’m polyamorous?

Aunty Z’s ex, 30, male

Dear ex, 

Not only are you all turning me into a babalawo specialist, but you’re also giving me relationships I don’t remember partaking in. Luckily for you, I don’t hate any of my exes, so let’s get to problem-solving. 

I can say with 100% certainty that you are not polyamorous, just bored. Polyamorous people don’t dump their current partner simply because they find someone new and interesting. What you are, is bored. I get it, I get bored too. One thing that has helped me is to never run out of something to talk about. Rediscovering new things about your partner keeps you interested. So, when you notice you’re already getting bored, you should try a game or activity for you both. You might think you know someone until you play a card game with them while you’re both drinking. You’d see a side you have never seen before. 

So, try new activities, and open yourself up to learning and immersing yourself in her world enough to keep you invested. Then, if it gets boring and none of the activities work, it’s okay to end it and find someone new. Dating is supposed to be a fun chance to experience people. 

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!, 

The issue is that my partner of a year plus doesn’t talk to me anymore. Not the typical ghosting, they view my status, send me links for opportunities and personal development tweets and all but we do not have the conventional partners communication, they’re currently using my Laptop, so recently, I tried opening a conversation by saying “Hey you” and there they go, ” Oh I’m sorry about your Laptop, can I return it on Monday”. I’m still interested in them though and I was wondering if there’s anything I can do to bring our relationship back to life. P. S We live in the same city and the last time I visited, I saw another woman’s nudes on their phone. Should that have been a clue to let go of them?

Honeydrops, 22, female

Dear Honeydrops

I like this your name. Dust your slippers, put them on your head, and run. You don’t have a partner, you have a self-help book. Sure, relationships can help aid your personal development, but if that’s all you both talk about, I don’t know.. 

Seriously though, communication is the backbone of every good relationship. Sure, love is important, but it’s never enough. You need to ask them why they no longer talk to you. 

Also, before that conversation, prepare yourself for the possibility of the relationship coming to an end. If they seem so reluctant to talk now, there’s a possibility they might not want to talk anytime soon and is that something you genuinely want to deal with? A partner that doesn’t communicate. The woman’s nudes on the phone are definitely not helping matters because why are they keeping the nudes a woman sent them when they’re in a relationship? That’s a major red flag. I wish you the best of luck! 

Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!  

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