Once upon a time, an insane Christian book that claimed the devil created football as a tool to destroy humanity trended on the internet. I did the dirty work of actually reading and recapping it. The article was so popular that I decided to make my recaps into a weekly series named “So You Don’t Have To“, where I find batshit crazy pieces of media (books, movies, etc) and recap them for your pleasure.
Today, I will be making a list of the most insane Mummy GO videos.
Funmilayo Adebayo, famously known as Mummy GO, is an evangelist who has gone viral for the video clips in which she claims that anybody who likes any aspect of existence that makes life bearable is going to hell. When her videos began to surface in late 2021/early 2022, she seemed super familiar to me, but I couldn’t remember where I’d seen her before. It wasn’t until Kunle tagged me to a tweet containing pictures of some of her books that it hit me.
Mummy GO is the woman who wrote the very first thing I ever recapped for the “So You Don’t Have To” series; a book titled The Game of The Anti-Christ (Exposing the Secret Behind Football).
Like the name of the book implies, Mummy GO rants for a few dozen pages about football being an evil sport created in the underworld by hell’s management as part of their never-ending attempts to destroy humanity. She further claims that the reason she knows all this is because she served as an intern in hell, working closely with the prince of darkness himself for 990 years.
Here’s an excerpt from that article:
“The author’s bio describes Fumilayo Adebayo as a seasoned evangelist and gifted writer with an uncommon passion for soul-winning. This is exactly how Pennywise (the demon clown from the movie IT) would be described if he ever took a break from eating children to write a book. Using bible verses and thinly-veiled threats, she tells us that we have to believe everything she says unless we’ll die a terrible death and go to hell. I carried on reading because I like trash.“
If you want to read that iconic article, click here.
Mummy GO has a shit load of videos floating around, and all of them are fucking hilarious. But because I’m a messy bitch who lives drama, I’ve gone through all of the ones I could find and compiled the most insane ones. Don’t thank me. Just pay for my therapy.
Let’s start with a wild one. The one where she talks about how God restored her virginity.
As you can see, this woman is basically standing in front of her congregation and bragging about being so tight that it takes her husband half an hour to penetrate her during sex. The wildest thing here isn’t even the smug tone she uses to talk about her TAP (tight ass pussy), it’s the fact that no one in the audience is trying to suppress laughter. They just sit there and take it.
Here’s a video where she talks about the Walt Disney Company and what she thinks its logo represents.
In this, Mummy GO pulls a trick straight out of the 2009 edition of the Conspiracy Theorists YouTuber’s Handbook and claims that Disney is dedicated to imprinting the mark of the beast (666) in the minds of children. Aided by a PowerPoint presentation, she says that the number 666 is hidden in the trademark Disney font. Walt Disney’s frozen head must be rolling in its cryogenic chamber.
Here’s the one where she bashes the art of comedy and insists that anyone who engages in it has a one-way ticket to hell.
I don’t know if Mummy GO went for a stand-up comedy show and was bored or she watched a couple of skits from Nigerian Instagram comedians and didn’t enjoy them, but she really REALLY hates comedians and hopes we all burn. Damn. We just want to make people laugh, lady.
She also hates haircuts for some reason.
She just points at some guy with a shaved head in the congregation and says, “Do you people know that this hairstyle is a sin?!” She carries on by saying that any haircut that shows even the tiniest bit of a man’s scalp is a sin. Now, I’m sitting here thinking, “What about bald people? What the fuck are they supposed to do??“
If you’re looking for a reason to not celebrate valentine’s day this year, Mummy GO has given you one.
If you’re a man with swagger of any kind, Mummy GO says you’re a devil worshipper.
This tickles me immensely because it shows how removed she is from modern-day pop culture. When was the last time you saw a man pack his crotch and wave his wrists while screaming, “Ayo man”? Seems like she’s still stuck in the 1990s/early 2000s, and it’s killing me.
Let’s not forget when she told tales of her bad bitch era.
By that description, you just know she was out in these streets built like an Instagram baddie, snatching up people’s boyfriends and husbands. Yas Gawd! I do love that whatever took her beauty left her with the gap in her front teeth, though. A way for her to relive her past glory. That was very nice of…it.
You heard it here first: There’s nothing Satan likes more than a hot fok.
I wonder what Rihanna and Lady GHANA have to say about these accusations. Does this also mean that Tom Holland is married to Satan? He did dance spectacularly to Rihanna’s “Umbrella” on Lipsync Battle. Who else is Satan married to? How do they share him? Someone has to ask the important questions, and that person is me.
You know who else Mummy GO hates? Michael Jackson. Here’s what she has to say about his style of dancing.
Old gal believes that Michael Jackson invented break dancing and that he learned the dance style from SKELETONS. Probably from these guys:
She also added that because it’s a skeleton dance, break dancing is for the dead, which means that if you do it, you’re indirectly telling God that you’re dead and shouldn’t complain when the Grim Reaper comes to collect.
Lastly, here’s the BBC interview where she denies saying all of the things above, claiming that the videos were doctored.
At this point, I’m not even sure what her deal is anymore.
If you want a deeper look into Mummy GO’s psyche, read my recap of one of her books.