Going on dates in Nigeria can be an extreme sport. From worrying about being catfished to picking out what to wear or a place to go. But have you ever gone above your budget and had to choose between washing plates and trekking home?
Here are eight things you can do to save yourself if that happens.
This is the only time when “Police is your friend” becomes a true claim. If you have a friend who’s a policeman, this is the time to call them to come to your rescue.
Start a fight
As wise men say: “Chaos is a ladder.” Just start a fight for no reason and get thrown out for free. Slap someone out of the blue or spill a drink on someone’s shirt.
Blame the restaurant’s food
You can just get up in anger and start complaining about how the rice tastes like fermented goat milk. Make sure your voice is loud enough that everyone hears it and the restaurant staff tries to calm you down. Then, you can leave in anger without paying a kobo.
Confess that you’re married
If you don’t drive a Sienna, It’s probably hard to pull this off but you can do it. Just keep a makeshift ring close by that can help you lie about being married with 3 kids.
Fake a heart attack
This will probably land you in a hospital and taking drugs you don’t need, but at least you won’t be in a restaurant kitchen washing plates.
Just ask to split the bill
It may not be as bad as you think. If the date goes higher than you can afford, just ask them to split the bill with you. They’ll probably appreciate the honesty.
Confess on Twitter before you get called out
Even though your date is happening in one tiny corner of a restaurant in Lagos, don’t be surprised if you get home to see three thousand people tweeting about it already. The best way to get ahead is to out yourself in public before anyone does it for you.
Call your friends for help
A quick SOS to your friends’ WhatsApp group can save your life. Just make sure the restaurant hasn’t already seized your phone before you get to this point.