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The Introvert’s Guide to Pulling Out of Any Outing

Sometimes introverts agree on plans to go out, only to start regretting it when the day of reckoning draws nearer. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or you don’t want to spend time with your friends; you’d just rather do it in the confines of your house. So here are some very practical excuses to help introverts cancel any outing. 

Elections are coming

What type of citizen would you be if you chose to party, instead of staying indoors, praying for the country? It’s not even safe during these periods, so it’s better to stay in your house, watch and pray diligently. 

You have Covid 

This excuse is the only good thing that came out of this virus. Trust us, this excuse will get you out of any outing because who wants to get infected?

Just make sure you tell them over the phone, so you can punctuate your speech with a few coughs here and there. 

Image of a sick boy 

The ground is moving 

Yes, your flatmate had cake in the freezer and you ate it all because you were starving. And now the ground is shifting, your neck is turning, you’ve forgotten how to breathe, you think you’re gonna die.

They’ll immediately get it that you’ve had edibles and you can’t find your way out of the house. 

This is an image of somebody crying dramatically 

Editor’s pick: We Imagined a Nigerian Mother Trying Edibles for the First Time 

My mum had a dream

Everyone knows Nigerian mothers are always dreaming up reasons for you to not go out. So just tell them  your mother had a dream and they’ll not question you. I mean, what type of friend would ask you to disobey your own mother?

An image of a mother warning her daughter

Stay woke: 5 Reasons Why Dreams Are the Worst Things Ever 

Your landlord locked you in

This is for people who stay on their own. Make sure you’ve started complaining about your landlord days before D-day. So on that day, just tell them somebody scratched the landlord’s car and now he’s not letting anybody in or out the compound.

These things happen: These Ridiculous Rules Prove That Nigerian Landlords Are From Hell 

Your phone battery is low

Nobody will question you when you tell them you can’t leave the house with an almost-dead phone. End the call mid-sentence and put your phone on airplane mode. They’ll assume your phone died and go on with their plans. Beware of people who always carry power banks around sha.

You’re watching your neighbour’s pet

Your neighbour had a family emergency and had to travel for a few days, and he left his pet in your care. And surely, you can’t possibly abandon the poor thing to sit alone in your apartment.

What to look out for: 6 Signs Your Dog Is An Introvert

This is an image of someone shrugging

You have a work thing 

Short and simple. You’re a slave to capitalism, so when your masters call, you answer. 

This is an image of someone saluting 

Skincare is expensive

You can’t take the risk of being around other humans that could touch you and ruin all the progress you’ve started making. 

An image of a man avoiding a woman’s touch

There’s food at home 

The oldest and most effective line in Nigerian history. Tell them you do not encourage bad behaviour in these trying times, and as such will not be eating out when you have food at home. 

Your next read: 8 Little Things That Fill Every Introvert’s Heart With Joy

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