If there’s one hill I’m willing to climb and die on, it’s that Toyin Lawani AKA Tiannah Styling is a fashion icon.
Before anyone comes for me about how Toyin’s clothes aren’t practical or realistic, here are some real life places and scenarios that are perfect for them. Go forth and slay.
This chicken dress
Wear it to visit that relative who may or may not be an agent of darkness trying to wipe out your entire family. You don’t need to worry about them poisoning you if you pull up with your own chicken wings.
This multi-coloured plastic spoon dress
You’re the no-nonsense caterer at an owambe and you want everyone to show you respect before you serve them jollof rice without meat. This is the dress to wear.
This firewood pot dress and helmet
When they finally enlist youths to the military and you must serve looks to’re ready to serve your country and serve looks at the same time, but you also need a pot to boil agbado for you and the other 50 million soldiers.
This shukushaker aya shoemaker dress
This dress screams “violence”. You should wear this to any event you know your haters are going to be at. By the time you start fighting, you can remove one or two shoes and throw it at their head Cardi B and Nicki Minaj style.
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This nun dress with the thigh-high slits
For when you have to help your reverend father serve holy communion during 6 p.m. mass but still get ready for your dance routine at Silver Fox by 8 p.m.
This coat of many colours
This pretty semi-casual dress is what you wear on a date with any man named Joseph. Not only will you grab his attention with all the primary and secondary colours on this dress, he’ll also see you’re a virtuous, bible-reading woman since you showed up in the coat his namesake lost.
This Simba ball gown
This number works for when you hear EbonyLife is making a Nigerian version of The Lion King and you want to audition for Nala. Or wear it to the zoo so the lions there will know you’re the real jagaban of the jungle.
This many-faced God dress
This works when you’re owing plenty people money, but you still want to go out for Friday rocks. With all these masks, you can turn up and have a good time without fear that your onigbese lifestyle will come and bite you in the bumbum.
This Xmas special jumpsuit
This “xmas” jumpsuit is what you should wear when you can’t afford to buy your man something for Christmas, so you decide to confuse him with intense fornication for the sixth year in a row.
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